I shouldn’t be Alive!

I shouldn’t be alive! You might have heard this several times from the people who have come across mind boggling incidents in their lives. They might have seen things and had a close encounter with the fact called death. I have recently joined that list of people who say ‘I shouldn’t be alive.’
24th January 2009 a day which was suppose to be a day of enjoyment and excitement turned out to be a day of extreme pain and tension for me and my parents. The day began with me unable to sleep properly spending almost the whole night sleepless on my bed. I finally got some sleep in the morning for few hours, when I woke up I was already late and behind my schedule to get ready and reach office in time. My ‘Aaaee’ (mother) was not feeling well which I didn’t realize till today when she told me while talking about that day.
I managed to get ready as early as possible and hurry up to the car with a hide n seek biscuit in my mouth to the car. For a change I cleaned up the dusty car of mine, which is not my choice when I am late to reach some place. I drove off towards my destination with a relaxed mood and calm mind. Once I entered the Mumbai city, I came across a traffic jam which was at a junction where it was least expected. I somehow managed to make way out of it sooner than expected and reached the eastern express highway. Everything looked OK till I reached the point of no return on the road. I was behind a speeding car on the 1st lane of the highway which was speeding away with an ease, I did not bother to speed up and follow it for some reason. The speed was a regular 80 km/hr something common for me for past 5 years of my driving time. Suddenly the car slowed and took a sharp lane change, exposing me to a spot dug up for some unknown reason, fenced with 4 bamboo sticks and small 2 x 1 feet of a board saying ‘work in progress’. I had to react quickly to avoid hitting the bamboo sticks and people working on the divider at the spot. So I tried the same thing the car ahead of me did, slowing down and changing the lane. But it wasn’t supposed to happen. While slowing down and turning the car left, it was on those yellow paint strips which you might be aware been seen on the highway since last year’s monsoon.

The front right tire of the car came off the alloy wheel rim to the internal side of the car. This caused the front wheels to wobble and go towards the 1st lane. What happened next could not be imagined or done again by me in the future. I manage to cross the bamboo fence and the dug site, and ram the car front right side first on the divider of the highway. This first hit tossed the car in the air almost a foot followed by the second hit head on front side of the car with the divider again. The car was still in the air and took a horizontal 360 degree turn in mid air landing the car in the direction opposite to where I was going.

After the car settled on the ground, I saw few men running towards the car to my rescue. They rushed to open the door which was locked from the inside. I managed to take off the seat belts which kept me on the seat safely in the car. I picked up my cell phone from the floor mat which was earlier on the seat came out of the car with no pain or anything. After coming out of the car the men around me asked me, am I alright, to which I responded with as positive. I quickly took out the mobile phone from my pocket to call up my dad. I spoke with him told him about the incident and then called up my manager to inform her about the same. As I finished with the calls I felt relaxed and at the same time while making the calls, the bright sunlight in front of me was fading to darker yellow gold shades of the color, I felt my head spinning. So I thought of sitting down on the road resting my back against the divider to comfort myself. I just didn’t realize when I passed out to experience the most peaceful sleep ever of my life. All that I remember is my eyes closing with no worries on my mind on a hot tar road under the blazing afternoon sun at 12.30 in the middle of highway next to my wrecked car.

But all this short lived as people noticed me unconscious and rushed back at me to wake me up and offer some water to ease me. After having gulping down some water, I was back to normality. I crossed the road and went to the left side of the road, where I saw police accompanied by a towing truck coming to the spot. They called me back to the car, checked my status, and asked what happened, anyone else along with me in the car. They asked me to take the photos of the car before they could tow it to the side of the road for the reference of the insurance claim.

I took the snaps and they moved the car to the side of the road. They asked me to report the accident to avoid problems in the post accident formalities. Then appeared two gentlemen from my dad’s office, who checked with me and the police about the further actions, are to be taken. Then we three went to the nearest police station to report the accident. While going to the police station I called up a friend who was very much familiar to deal with the situation I was into. I called up Rahul my childhood buddy to the rescue; fortunately he had just arrived home from some work. He came and we finished off the formalities at the police station. My dad had also arrived by then. Dad’s associates had left as he had arrived. So it was my dad, Rahul and I left further to complete the next task of getting the vehicle towed away to the garage. We reached back the spot and called up the towing service. The towing van came in 20 minutes, I handed over the papers and informed dad that am leaving for office.

Rahul and I left towards the office and dad took a towing van to the garage. Rahul dropped off at a point nearest to his home and I continued further in spine rattling rickshaw towards the office. When I reached the office the news of my accident was already around the place. When shown the photos taken of the car wreck, only one question was asked. How are you alive? Though photos were not a big deal, even Rahul asked me the same thing when he saw the car before it got towed. The reason to commute to office even after such a bad accident was to keep my mom off the tension and worries which I created out of the accident. I have been trying hard to keep my parents out of worries from my side, but nothing works. I already had a bike accident on 1st January 2009, the very day of the year, which left me with 5 stitches on my chin. Just that wound had healed and this accident got added up. Dad suggested after the first accident take the car so that I’d be safe, but after this I have nothing left to commute to office. Motorcycle is convenient in traffic and car is efficient in rains. Luckily it is winter when all this had happened.
There was employee get together party on that day in the evening. After reaching office and giving the account of accident to my colleagues, I was advised to take a nap before leaving for the program. Going there was only to avoid reaching home early and face my parents. So I took a nap in the office in a corner well hidden from the people working around. Then got up to leave to the hotel where it was been arranged. Fortunately there were internal arrangements of car to reach the place and further arrangements from office to drop the people at home after party. I enjoyed the party with colleagues getting high with the alcohol and dancing wild after that.

Party was great but I never knew there were so many drunkards working around me in the office, no offense by the number people who were consuming alcohol was beyond my expectations. Finally it all ended around 12 midnight. The day which is unforgotten ended with me reaching home safely in a cab arranged by the office at home at 2 a.m. next morning. If it wasn’t for my friends and office buddies I wouldn’t have got through the day and be in position to write all this down and express it.
Only regret I have out of all this is that, my parents are suffering more than what I have suffered in the accident.
I am really sorry to put them in this situation and also my beloved car which is damaged badly.

Accident Details:
Location: Eastern Express Highway, Near Best Bus Stop for Bhandup.
Journey – Airoli, Navi Mumbai – Powai, Mumbai.
Distance: 13.5 Kms.
Date / Time: 23rd January 2009 /12.15 p.m.

From being crazy to reach the Madness

My love, haven’t you wanted to be with.
Dear, my love haven't you long to be free.
I can't keep pretend that I don't even know you.
At sweet nights you are my own, take my hand we are leaving here tonight.
There is no need to tell anyone, They only hold us down.
So by the morning light, we'll have to be away to anywhere.
When love is more than just your name.
I've dreamed of a place for you and me, no one knows who we are there.
All I want is to give my life, to you only you.
I've dreamed so long, I can't dream anymore.
Let’s run away, I'll take care.
When love is more than just your name.
We are leaving here tonight.
There is no need to tell anyone, They only hold us down.
So by the morning light, we'll be half way to anywhere.
When no one need a reason.
Forget this life come with me, don't look back you are safe now.
Unlock your heart; drop your guard, no one left to stop you now.

So J I'm going to madness or I just reached it?
Take care my winning card, my J, the Joker.

By Laura.

Confession from a Betrayed Mind.

I hold my breath as this life start to take its toll.
I had behind the smile and my good life as they told.
But oh god I fell am losing the faith in things I ever cheeve in.
I have awakened now 2 find me in the shadow that I always created. It
belong to you, am lost in you, so just take me away from me.
I am crawling through this life as this evil flying through my vain.
I am looking through myself but my own have been changed.
I can’t go on like this with what I’ve become.
please I beg you to take me away from me.
Lost in the dying world I reach and more
I just feel like I was not even in the world before it.
so am I thankful for waking up?
Now am fighting to a chance to meet you again.
You were never strong enough, you were never good enough.
you never been seen enough, not enough for me.
You turned me to fear, you make me easy to erase.
lost my confidence, lost my reasons.
still guessing why was I mistaken?

I live in dark for you, you live to be proud through me
How could you, am scared even to start thinking about your promises and turn them to lies.
Am sure you are still standing near that door...watching me...want to see from me a one mistake to blame me for all the things.
But believe me am seeing, am feeling, just like a scary something standing there who wants to wipe me away.
you come from far far away to break just shatter me into the pieces.
This time you need to believe in yourself, that you actually could do some things that scare me.
Mistakes, sins, shame, denying I drink it all in one glass handed by you.
And I'll keep drinking up until you see how much u can’t be of something use not less.


Do you know what's more funny? I still love you
Do you know why? Cuz your lies make me happy for some days.
Don’t ask me do I love you? you know that I do.
You know am a scared Cuz I won’t forgive and ever forget.

So J.(me) words never satisfy me enough....

By Laura.

(she told me all this, when I tried to console her, she was in love with this guy, who loved her to avenge some thing, she never told me what was the reason. Am still waiting to hear more from her.)

Had a Long Day !!!!

In a peace called sleep, I go again.
The day was tiring, my back is in pain.
World is huge, many things to gain.
Let me do my best, before I become insane.
People keep calling me now and then;
All I try to find is a friend in them.
But most found is meaningless attitude,
Many of them lack to give a token of gratitude.
So I keep going from places to places,
Trying my luck with faces and more faces.
But the night comes again as I get tired,
Calling me back to place of my desire.
My bed awaits my presence,
My room hates my absence.
Now don't come and tell me,
What you read doesn't make any sense.
This is something I wrote at night,
A time later after a long day's fight.
Now I end it here, as there is no time left to spare.
Then I think again before hitting the sack,
I know there is nothing to see if I turn back.

By J.J.

An Evening Spent at Movie Shoot

Dated: 18th January 2009
Location: Worli, Mumbai

A song shoot was in progress at Audi Indian Showroom in Mumbai at location near Worli. We reached the scene of the shoot at 9.00 p.m. on a Sunday 18th Jan 2008. Mangesh, Manoj and me came to the shoot scene on our motorcycles. As we came close the location was full of lights and crowded. We parked our bikes at a distance so that no one bothers us or our respective bikes mistaking us for bystanders. The location was crowded with young college going girls and guys screaming, yelling and taking every effort for the actors on the set to give them a glance. As we reached there we were welcomed by Sameer (Pong) our dearest dude from Ruia Naka group. He is the representative of the production company under which the movie is been created. Then we saw Satish another good friend from Ruia Naka running around managing the location, he is from the production team who is supporting the needs at the shoot. Satish was the one who had managed to get the location for the shoot and was responsible for the security and all other things.

Now as I looked into the showroom, I saw the most awesome cars in the world been parked in there. The Audi A4 (Red), A7 (Black), A8 (Black), R8 (Black) and Q7 SUV (Black) were parked in the showroom premises. The cars had a memorizing effect on the crew members. Then there were the Movie Actors, choreographers, Director, Line Producer, Assistants and Production crew around there. The crowd only came in for the only one person…. And that was John Abraham (model actor). Then there were other people Genelia (lead actress in the movie), David Dhawan (Director), and Bosco (Choreographer).

As the showroom is next to the road, every car with curiosity slowed down and people in them were baffled, amazed and later excited to see John in the showroom. Now you know why the young girls were queued up screaming on the lane across the showroom and waving. I later heard that a doctor was required as Mr. Abraham was reported sick and was exhausted due to exertion that day. He was the ambassador was for the Mumbai Marathon which happened the same morning. Satish was calling up places to get a General Physician for John…. He (Satish) was very concerned about the degree of the doctor asking only physicians with MBBS were required. Poor fellow finally got a doctor to come for the whole shift, who arrived with his daughter and son-in-law at the location. Now that was funny, a general physician dad accompanied by an Eye Specialist daughter along with a Neuro Surgeon Son-in-law, Satish surprised with in the chaos on the set, who is who and is here for what? Then there were Cops who were leading the security of the premises doing crowd and traffic control on the street.
A surprise visit of Sohail Khan (Actor) was there in an Audi Q7 on the road. Who entered the showroom and met someone and left the scene within half an hour. Now I move on to a special character present on the set, a girl totally crazy about John, who was reported to have been at the scene from the beginning of the shoot. A young girl in her teenage wearing a blue and white strip T-shirt and denim jeans with a black handbag was seen moving around the location taking every opportunity to have a good look at Mr. Abraham. Before I arrived at the location the girl was reported to Scream, Cry and then faint after seeing the actor at the location.
I got an opportunity to enter the Showroom and take a nice close look at the cars which were my curiosity when I reached the spot. When Sameer introduced me in to the Security guard he stated that he thought me to be someone from Media who was out there for some interview. They were ready to pick me up and throw me off the location if had been approaching any of the actors or the director. When asked why they thought of me that way, they said it was my attire. Now I am confused with my own attire. I was wearing a grey t-shirt, a sleeveless jacket and a camel green cargo pant with a matching camel green foot wear and a backpack. Till date I have been thought of by people at the first look as a guy going for trek, a Terrorist (this was commented by a 3 star Police Inspector at a Naka bandi Marine Drive on 31st December) matching the attire of the 26/11 attackers in Mumbai, an aspiring contestant from MTV Roadies and now some Reporter from Media. Well I am confused with these comments now. Next time I am going get dressed formally. Let’s see what they got to say at my dressing then.

Showroom was clean and every car was something for admiration. There I met 2 people who were covering the making of the film on a still photography and handy cam, who were curious about the cars just like me. We had a small chat about the Car been used in the Transporter movies in Hollywood and were used to its full capacity. We spoke on the Audi R8 coupe which was out there, the car is speed demon with a Top speed 301 km/hr on a V8 Engine (awesome). Then there was the Audi A7 next to it, the genuinely luxurious sedan of the market.

Finally came the dinner time for the crew members, Lights got dimmed and crowd got thin. All of the sudden Mr. Abraham decided to come out of the showroom to wave hands at the crowd. Which resulted in a chaos which people rushing towards the actor to get autographs, photographs etc… in short a piece of him. Now the teenage girl I described above saw it as her last opportunity and rushed into the crowd to meet the actor, who was rushed into the showroom due to the chaos, Mr. Abraham showed the courtesy to his beloved greatest fan of the day to give her the autograph, take a photograph and give a hug to the girl who stood some 4 inches below his shoulders. Girl left the actor in total excitement and was not seen for some minutes.

During the dinner cops were showing full on attitude over the food and eating stuff. Satish in charge of taking care of the cops present was cursing and swearing the backgrounds with their attitudes. But one cannot neglect them when the work is at stake. Sameer and Mangesh had to leave for another party to attend of close friend who had movie music release last week.
Now the mates on the sets and I thought this should calm down the girl as her greatest wish for the day was granted finally. But to our amusement the girl was still lurking around the premises for more. A question came to my mind, what more is she waiting for, she almost had the best of the day from all the girls who had gathered or waited for the actor. The internal security of the crew was amazed to see the girl still around the location when it was half past midnight. The head of the security was baffled by the girl’s dedication towards the movie star. He asked me what with her, I suggested lets go and have a small talk with the girl, she may leave after that.
So security head and I approached the girl to question her. Where is she from? She replied just few buildings ahead from the showroom. Are her parents knew her whereabouts? She replied yes. Now as it was quite late we asked her has she eaten anything, she replied, she will later. Finally are you Ok? I asked her, she smiled back and said yes. Now during this conversation, she did not keep her eyes on us at all but only to answer our queries. I told her that she had the best of it today and the shoot will finish shortly, please go home and rest now. When I said about resting, that was due my own legs which were having a hard time standing around the location. She said she is fine and looked beyond us at the location. We left the kid alone and came back to scene. When the shot area was been setup we saw the girl leaving the location towards her home. Finally I said to the guy next to me she has left. The last scene of the day was to be shot outside the showroom on the footpath. Now the trouble was if the actors stayed for long outside the showroom, it would be chaos again. But things were under control. Last scene was John and genelia come on a cycle to the showroom as per the story and see the Security guard sleeping at the gate. There were 2 takes for the same and it was pack up! Shoot location was getting cleared quickly with people hurrying up to leave for home. Cops were then busy getting Chai-pani for the services rendered for the shoot.
Next shoot was scheduled on Monday morning, but due to the lead actor exhausted it was cancelled, with next shoot scheduled on Tuesday. About me being there was just for to watch the shoot and enjoy the shoot, I have never been more excited about the actors and actresses on the set but more about the things happening on the set, how a frame is set and how lights are arranged to get the perfect ambience for the scene. This one the film shoots I have attended and seen in Mumbai. The work done out there is hard and needs a lot of patience and guts to through the day. I can only dream to be in this line of work, where excitement and struggle go together in work. I’ll try and manage to be there for more spoils of my journeys to share with you. Let’s see if I could.

• That’s Mangesh and Manoj - both were in the Mumbai Marathon


• Crowded street I spoke about.


• And the shooting crew at work

By -- J.J.

Untitled words from a betrayed soul.

I read all his lies, deep in his loving eyes.
I learnt all his desire, by going through the hell's fire.
I felt his pain, It nearly drove me insane.
I feared his cruel grin, I knew I would never win.
Now he rested his head, There is nothing left to be said.
-------------------
I'm burning in water, I'm drowning in flames.
To prove you wrong and scare you away.
I admit my defeat and want to be back home,
with your heart under the rose.

By Monique E.

Drained body with an invigorated mind.

My eyes are sleepy; I can’t stay up for long,
Like the day I came to you, someday I’ll be gone.
For the moment I feel so much, wish to sing a song.
But my body feels so weak, won’t let me go gone.
This day is when I shared your pain,
I felt what you feel deep within.
I felt so helpless that I’ll lose you.
But you stood like the mountain and faced it all alone,
Without any support, for when you so lone
What can I say now, but you are so strong when I’m weak.
You are like an olive tree, and I feel like a wooden stick.
I don’t know what to say further I’m out of words,
Your thoughts are stuck in mind like caged birds.
Still I strive to think and trying my best,
But my body says it’s tired and needs to rest.

Need not frown!!!

Happiness you did want in my pen,
Happiness you did want in my words,
New Sparks you asked,
In the isles forbidden

Fresh beats you await to hear,
From the illicit, insatiable red void,
Need not frown on the above verse,
Cuz I’m happy from within.

Rallentendo mind at ease with time,
But time does cheat me with its pace.
It alters my pain,
And I land up standing at the very ‘start’ of the race.

Now I feel the breeze brush my face,
With arrogation of its own,
With a new charge, without a sad trace
Life with a shambolic twist, a turn with endeavors,
I go, know not whilst.

Greens with pretentious of their own,
Indigos up away with no zenith have ahead grown.
Grown beyond one may consider the horizon.
Thoughts more enraptures with a new pun.

Your prophecy, id one of them come true.
But was surrogated with a new hue
You did predict the second one too,
But for it to be true are chances very few.

For it was but a simple ecstasy,
But another, I plead
Let it be serendipity to me
It will be in my retrospection for sure, and again.
Need not frown on the above verse,
As I’m happy and all allured.

By S.S. (Little Miss)